I’ve been absent in this space. I know that’s how I start a lot of these posts. I want to write and don’t and then feel too far gone from writing to start again…so it goes. And here I am.
I finished my year with JVC one month ago today. I’ve spent some much-needed time at the ocean in Florida and at the creameries in the Berkshires and have moved back to Houston in an apartment with a dear college friend. This month has been full of unpacking, but even more so full of stillness that I forgot could exist. Yet even that stillness hasn’t been quite enough to emotionally or mentally process all that this past year has been.
At the beginning of my JV year, a former JV described her year as “the best thing she would never do again.” I didn’t quite understand what she meant then, but I do now. I feel the same way. There is so much of last year that I wish I did differently and so much that I did imperfectly. It’s painful sometimes to look back and admit when I messed up and when I was hurt and what could have gone very differently. Yet, I don’t regret this past year.
There were so many moments of clarifying lessons that people took the time to teach me. I ministered and was ministered to in a variety of languages over legal documents and lunches. I spent time working in Spiritual Direction and am getting clearer pictures of who God is.
All the tough moments I would do over again because of a few “thin spaces” I got to stand in this year. New York Times writer Eric Weiner defines thin spaces as “locales where the distance between heaven and earth collapses and we’re able to catch glimpses of the divine, or the transcendent.” Thin places are not planned or calculated. Rather, they are found and lived into. They take my breath away and help me keep breathing all at the same time.
They were moments like when I got to watch two families who spoke different languages play together on a playground. When I took their picture and the children held hands like it was the most natural thing to do. For just one fleeting moment, I saw what our lives could be like if we encountered each other just as people. A thin space that shows what Heaven is like.
Moments like blowing bubbles on the front porch on Good Friday after all I could think about was one of my client’s stories while looking up at the cross. There is nothing I can do to fix any of it or ease any pain at all, yet God decided to speak to me through bubbles. A thin space that didn’t make sense in the moment or now, yet somehow fills me with awe.
Moments like calling a client to tell them that they finally have a work permit. Hearing that level of joy and relief is unimaginable until you hear it. Playing the smallest role in one of the strongest people’s stories got me up in the morning. A smile creeps across my face every time I tell the story and it is impossible to hold it back. A thin space that keeps joy as a focus.
Moments like one of my best friends being sent to Houston unexpectedly. We went from not going to see each other in 2 years to introducing each other to new friends and sitting on my front porch. The mix of normal and extravagantly wild of that was a gift in-it-of itself. A thin space that grounds me in gratitude for the friends who see, know, and love me.
Moments like connecting last minute with a former JV who held my placement. She cleared her schedule last minute for a Sunday afternoon coffee that lasted 4 and ½ hours and was single-handedly one of the most healing things that could have happened as I ended my JV year. The two of us just showing up and listening, sharing, and affirming each other restored my hope in my ability to stay in Houston. A thin space that helped me take the next steps.
There were countless more thin spaces and the longer I reflect/more time I give myself, the more I will recognize. I’ve said before and I will say again: God found me in a law office in a way I’ve never been found before. So, while I leave my JV year with a lot of frustration and regret, I also leave feeling expectant of what comes next. I leave knowing that there are many thin spaces yet to be happened upon.
I start work as a paralegal working with adults in detention next week while simultaneously taking online coursework to get a Certificate in Immigrant Advocacy from Villanova University. I am planning on continuing to write and share here periodically, sometimes sending those as an email and sometimes just writing to write. Thank you again for coming along for the ride.
Love,
Gabriela
P.S. For more on thin spaces: https://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/11/travel/thin-places-where-we-are-jolted-out-of-old-ways-of-seeing-the-world.html